Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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