all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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