Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
