he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize