Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
