he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
