How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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