If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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