Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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