i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
