did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
