Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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