I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
