he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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