I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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