you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
im six kinds of drunk right now
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
