Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
