Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
