i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
