actually, I'm a sock model
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize