let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
