just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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