I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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