Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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