He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
