Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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