my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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