The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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