Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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