let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
