i just had sex bonerless
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
