I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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