If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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