seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
