dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
