Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
