Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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