Best friends brother. Beat that.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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