ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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