I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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