I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
