What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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