U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
