Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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