I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
