Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
