Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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