What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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