oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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