I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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