"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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