hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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