There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
