Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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