I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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