dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
