That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
