from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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