toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
