saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
