I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
