ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
