I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
