It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
