there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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