Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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