There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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