I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
