Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
