when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
