I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
