My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
