I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
