no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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