the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
