umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
