dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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