Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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