i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
