Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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