just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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