Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
