i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize