I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
