maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
