Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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