Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
