I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Can I color on your dick again?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
