We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
