i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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